In a stunning attempt to seize power over all Curmudgeon dealings, the Grand High Curmudgeon has used his storied past to consolidate his reign. Leveraging the undeniable fact that he is nearly 2/3 Titanium, an ancient metal, (and 1/3 Cutty Sark), he is claiming that instead of being merely really old and sort-of cranky, he is an ancient relic worthy of worship.
No, science fans, we’re not making this up. We have the words from the GHC himself:
“FYI Bono, my titanium, extracted from the planet’s crust, is millions of years old. Titanium is the ninth-most abundant element in Earth‘s crust (0.63% by mass)[22] and the seventh-most abundant metal. It is present as oxides in most igneous rocks, in sediments derived from them, in living things, and natural bodies of water.”
So far, fellow Curmudgeons seem a little taken aback. They aren’t sure whether this endangers their constitutionally-protected status as curmudgeons, and is part of a massive power grab, or is merely a “preening display.”
The Curmudgeon Quarterly 