Curmudgeons Re-Open After Covid-19 Hiatus, eschew tests in favor of t-Shirts

You might think, if you were poorly-informed, that our septo-octo-nearly-nano-generian Curmudgeons would be hunkering down in their prepper bunkers thanking their lucky stars they weren’t in a hard-hit nursing home at the start of the Covid-19 crisis. But as our loyal readers can probably guess, our local immortals are already back on court.

Realizing that some safety precautions are necessary, the CHC (Curmudgeon High Council) looked around for best practices. But the idea of installing an expensive and quirky quick-turnaround lab testing machine didn’t appeal to them. (Yes, and they’re cheap). Neither did constant temperature checks, as most of them are pretty hot-blooded anyway. So they came up with the near fool-proof idea of having players wear their Curmudgeon T-Shirts to ensure they were okay to play after the lockdown.

As an example, we obtained this off-the-record email from the GHC (Grand High Curmudgeon) to a returning associate. Who, despite having quarantined himself for weeks and weeks as part of celebrating the birth of his first grandson, was not entirely trusted not to spread the plague: “As this is the first time you’ve played since we were ordered off the courts, make sure to wear your Associate Curmudgeon t-Shirt when you show up, so that we know that you are not a virus-infected instigator, and are instead an upstanding member of the ‘to hell with that, we’ll do what we want’ club.”