Ask the Curmudgeons #2: “Are You Sure?”

While Johnny Mac may have been famous for “Are you serious?!” there is one phrase club players like to hear even less. “Are you sure.” Our Grand Curmudgeon as always, has sound advice on how to respond:

A loyal subscriber asks: “I’ve been playing USTA for many years and am often asked by my opponent after I’ve called their shot out, “Are you sure?” I’m an honest person. I don’t cheat, but I’m at a loss for how to respond when I know I am right. Do you have any advice?“

 Dear Gentle Reader:

It’s barely been a split second since you called the ball out when you’re opponent gives you that icy stare and asks “Are You Sure?” What could be more infuriating than challenging your call with a question that’s really an accusation “You intentionally called that good shot of mine out.”

No confrontation in tennis poses a bigger conundrum. Let’s face it. You’re in a jam, guilty by proclamation, innocence hardly refutable, almost like it’s been posted on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, too late to counter. You’re the bad guy. Not to mention their hope you will be intimidated to call in any future close shots that you might otherwise have called out.

There’s no way you’re going to make them admit you made the right call, and besides you’ve already been castigated. Simply saying “No, I saw it out” is insufficient. “It’s out when I call it out” is only marginally better. You could respond satirically with “I’m confident to 3.6 millimeters” (that’s the same level of accuracy as Hawkeye). Some folks have recommended responding with contentious questions in return such as “Are you having a bad day?  Have you got cataracts? Are you insane or did you just forget to take your meds today?”

 Ultimately the objective of a seasoned Curmudgeon is to achieve One-Upmanship (an unwillingness to back off and allow one’s competition to keep the upper hand). This can be achieved by mimicking a clay court Chair Umpire’s actions when asked to check for a call. Move to the area where the ball hit. Take your time as if searching for the exact spot. Finally bend down with your butt facing your opponent and place your finger outside the line indicating the ball’s landing location. Turn quickly around with your forefinger in the air while loudly shouting “OUT!”

You have let the “Are You Sure” perpetrator know that if they persist they will continue to enjoy the same procedure. Am I sure? You betcha, I’m sure!